Dance "music"... I love oxymorons.

Imagine paying R200 to see some guy stand on a stage in front of a ludicrous amount of shiny vinyl equipment. He puts on a pair of bulky headphones. Then he presses a button. Lights start flashing. Our entertainer then flicks a switch or two, maybe even endeavours to turn some knobs. He then starts bobbing his head up and down, pushing buttons and flicking switches as he bobs. Would you pay for this?



Chances are you would because society says: “Dance music is awesome!” If this is the case then I hope you will provide the poor of this country with a sizeable amount of fleece, you sheep. But seriously, I can’t seem to grasp this infection that people insist is some sort of skilful art form. These so-called tracks are made generally made on a mass-shared program called ‘Fruity Loops’ (which, funnily enough, can be downloaded off Apex DC). This proves something great and wonderful and life-changing for all of us: anyone can make dance music. I’m sorry to say it, but not every poor sad mortal can play a solo like Jimi Hendrix or Eddie Van Halen. Not every near-sighted crowd-follower can keep rhythm and explode drum kits like Keith Moon (The Who) or John Bonham (Led Zeppelin).

The unfortunate point I’m trying to make is that not everyone can play an instrument like the master artists I’ve mentioned. But anyone can mess around on Fruity Loops.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Your article is typical of someone who has merely heard of Fruity Loops without actually experiencing it.

Yeah sure anyone can mess around, but there is more to it than meats the eyes.
ever heard of quantization,automation,parametric equalization and constant Q?
These are all technicalities that go into producing music, not all of us simply click away and see what happens.
so at least show a little appreciation for there Frutyloops junkies who you deem to simply mess around,because there are many who have put time into gaining knowledge about the world of sound engineering and its intricacies - FL Studio is merely but a User interface through which we express that knowledge.

peace

Rodney Jingle-Jangles said...

You fucking dumbass.

There was a time when I was bored in res. I had nothing to do. Nevertheless, my computer seemed so irresistible, so tantalising. I downloaded Fruity Loops. I clicked around. And low and behold! I read the instructions on how to use it! Who'd have thought they'd be so easy to understand yet so informative. I never knew such things could be so wonderfully useful.

Anyway, moving on. I fucked around on Fruity Loops for a while and figured out the basics (with the help of ye aulde informative guide tool). Do you know where the basics lead to? They lead to whatever you'd label as INTERMEDIATE and then onto ADVANCED. Just employ a little tenacity. Again: You fucking dumbass.

Anyway, the point of that was that all you need to do to become good at the Fruity Loops device is to remain constantly tenacious. And not be a fucking dumbass.

Moving on...

You can't spell for shit. It is "meets" not "meats" (unless you're using meat as a verb in which case you're a bit sick). Also, just as a note, the figure of speech is: more than meets the eye. "Eye" must not be in its plural form. Also, FruIty Loops. With an "i". Small error but it brings your credibility into question. Don't argue with me if you can't get basic communicative language right. Put spaces after your commas for fucks sake! That's all. Just small corrections for a small person. =)

Anyway, you're a fucking fool. But I love you for it. Take care, old friend. :)

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